Wednesday 21 October 2009

What am I doing here?

In part of my research for a career in law (random I know) I attended a recruitment presentation for on of the major city law firms around. I was full of aspiration and naiitivity (me in a nutshell).
So after examining my very tiny new USB stick. I entered the auditorium where this very important presentation was about to be carried out in. I sat down next to a chinese girl in a really nice baige top and it was a really pretty top!
The presentation started. It didn't really have much infor about what Clifford Chance do or what they want from their graduates, but it was mainly all about how great they are and how reachable they are, and how bloody friggin nice they are.
That did not put me off, what put me off was during the drinks part of the session, the trainee graduates there takled lovingly about the long hours and the toughness of a GDL course. No-lies there.
That only put me off, what really put me off, was waiting for the jubilee line at Canary Wharf station, amongst sleazy suited men talking on their mobile phones and bitchy women who are able to save seats for sleazy suited men by keeping their expensive purses on the seat beside them but can't let a grey haired-backpacked man sit down. I just felt in the wrong place, all the time, I just felt wrong. And then I thought:
What am I doing here?
I don't want to be earning loads of money and acting so uncharitable and dress sleazily! I want to do something worthwhile! I want to achieve loads, I want a ward named after me. I want to write a book! I don't want to go through so much trouble for a job that I'll be in for so long that I won't have any time to spend the amazing amount of money, or indeed have a life.
But then I think: why get a job? I am not living independently, nor do I maintain my own costs, where's the motivation? I guess it'll be for the children I have not met yet, for them I suppose I must do anything, even sacrifice my own aspirations.
I'm so confused! And stretched, and disorientated! My mind cannot rest in Peace, I have shouted out in my sleep from all the entrapment I endure during dreams, I can't seem to be peaceful within myself.
I hate career planning, it sucks, just like working life.

Sunday 18 October 2009

If you're interested in my life... read on.

It's been so hectic since the last time I posted, there's just been too much happening that I think I'll make one of my 'numbered' posts. Here goes:
1. Miss, Hepburn and I spent a wondrous day scanning graduate opportunities at a careers fair, we went to presentations and workshops, in addition to being given candy floss and harassment by 'Royal Mail', I even spoke to employers in Arabic! By the end, it looked like we went shopping with our numerous bags laden with brochures and free umbrellas. We decided to eat out as it was late in the afternoon and we were both hungry. I found an Iranian restaurant and pointed to it, regretting it later when Miss. Hepburn said I had inadvertently pointed to two people making out instead.

2. I've had my first lectures of the year, they were horrible, I say that word deliberately, I'll say it again! THEY WERE HORRIBLE! I couldn't understand a single thing! By the end I became dizzy from constant ignorance on my side. I hope I'll be able to understand them some day :(

3. I've made friends at uni, they are nice people, we played a mind/card game called maffia where I realised that I resort to shouting a lot.

4. I went to a Law firm presentation where I panicked by the amount of alcohol available and the number of people, they made me feel welcome though as someone started to immediately talk to me, rather than other law firms where they just blank you out. The presentation and video itself were amazing, I was truly impressed by simply everything. I really want to work for them :D

5. I've dossed a bit with Miss. Black, it's fun being around her, I feel at ease and comfortable, but I'm not going to act too affectionately like I did before, that wouldn't be the right decision.

6. There was something else that happened and I can't remember what it was.....

7. I went out with uni mates to pizza express where we exemplified the true spirit of students by ordering 4 glasses of tap water.

8. I gave a tour of the main Uni campus to Mr. Matta, I rather enjoyed it and became pretty proud of the glass buildings I was so used to walking around. We had to go through hell trying to get his ID card done, we managed to do it but he had to unfortunately wait for the card to be made later.

9. I went out with Miss. Hepburn and some other medic friends like Miss. Pink and Miss. Ongalong, as well as Mr. King Kon and Mr. Chandler. We ate food and talked for ages and gossiped a little, as well as stalking good-looking ppl on mobile facebook! It was a very warm, happy time for me :D

10. I embarrassed myself at a university workshop... urgh.

Sunday 11 October 2009

Manga of the Month- October

It has come to that time again. I must bore my non-existing audience with my own passions. I'm sorry to disrupt your attentions, but this simply has to be done.

I shall talk about a long standing Manga I've been reading for two years now, it is called Naruto. I have a very soft spot for Naruto as I watched all the available anime for it 2 weeks before my first year exams. That is not an 'achievement' many people can boast about.

So.. 'what is it about?' I hear you screaming in agitated curiosity. Well, the series is divided into two main sections: the original 'Naruto' and 'Naruto Shippuden' which continues the storyline 3 years later. Naruto is a created culture of a world of ninjas that train from a young age to sanction their duty for their own village, the main Characters are, surprisingly, Uzumaki Naruto (an annoying boy with a big mouth), Uchiha Sasuke (a moody silent boy with a harsh past, but who thinks he's better than everyone) and Sakura (a rather useless girl whose surname I don't remember). The Manga details characters that they meet from other villages, the pasts of other characters and the development of other personalities.


It has too much media for me to describe in better detail, however, it is a very famous Manga series that has gripped readers across oceans and is still gaining popularity by its ever developing detailed and planned plot.

The drawing style is unique, but not very good. Like most male Mangakas and shonen manga, women simply can't be drawn right. I've only seen a handful of good shonen manga that have drawn a female correctly so as not to mistaken as a man with long eyelashes, and Naruto is no exception.

This mainstream manga has been very successful for inciting fear, happiness, sadness and profound emotions in its readers, it is not one of the best (Nana is the best) but it is certainly a highly recommended read for a holiday or when you have weeks of free time.

*sigh* I shall continue to keep writing on Manga! My enthusiasm for it can't be dented by your hard disregard!

Saturday 10 October 2009

How to be hyper in style.

You'll all be delighted to hear that I shall not be talking about manga of the month this time, (I promise you all I'll write it in the next post). Instead I'll be commenting on a wondrous evening I had recently.

Well, I ended up bizarrely in a rather drunken mode with Miss. Short Fuse last night, as we entertained ourselves by eating out in one of those random restaurants down our local high street that we never take notice of. I must say, the food was not very exciting, it was edible, but that's how far it went.

The waiter had unknowingly injected a humiliated feeling into both of our egos, when he gave us both bowls of warm water with ice and lemon, we obviously had absolutely no idea what they were for or what to do with them.. should we drink the water? Were we supposed to clean our hands with it? Was it some sort of preservative for lemon slices? Was it a signal to leave because we were so uncultured that we shouldn't even be there?

I entreated Miss. Short Fuse for her consent to let me enquire after the strange articles, she stoutly refused, saying that we would only be highlighting our own ignorance.

I then told her that she, like most mad geniuses, hated owning up to their own ignorance and only hid behind a blanket of knowledge. She, being exactly as I had described, confessed, that yes, she was indeed a mad genius.

Bloody Brat.

Just as she had made me hold my peace, the same waiter swaggered along again and dropped a boat shaped bowl, empty, by my side, and said nothing. When the waiter was out of earshot, we cracked up laughing, wondering if they were going to give us any unheard of cutlery as well.

I ate a rather bulky spaghetti with mussels, it's unbelievable how many mussels were on it! It took up so much space as the shells had remained intact with the shrivelled form of seafood... and then! We found a purpose for the boat shaped bowl! I had ended up overloading the little bowl with all the mussel shells, that one of them fell to the floor! But you'd think with so many mussels there would be actual taste! No, I'm afraid there weren't. All that the spaghetti had to own for credit was random bulky chunks of garlic, again, amazingly with no flavour. The most flavour I got out of the meal was the raw parsley used for decoration.

I swear they put something in the food. I ended up continuously laughing with Miss short fuse, mainly due to her random acts that proved her lack of common sense and male-ish traits. These were when she ate hardly anything of her meal and claimed she was "so full" as well as when she kept pushing my chair with her feet, while nodding her head in silent open mouthed laughter, much as a boy does when he has heard something immaturely amusing.

I too had my odd remarks, having cut, bruised and blistered by good-looking feet at the hands of good-looking shoes, I complained how "the hardest part is shifting my weight from my butt to my feet" as I stood up from my chair.

Despite having walked through rain with no protection but her sodden jacket, Miss. Short Fuse demanded we buy ice-cream from KFC, remarking how we would be ending out day in style. Whilst shivering from the cold and chattering her teeth, Miss. Short Fuse made light of being made to wait long for her much needed frozen dessert buy acting as though high on caffeine, she trembled and shivered quite amusingly. What was most amusing was that by the time we had reached the end of the long que, in one of the most chaviest places around, for a much demanded and sought after ice-cream....

....the ice-cream machine was broken.

We decided to get over our heavy misfortune by taking a visit inside the lobby of our local theatre (we're quite lucky enough to have one), where we got overly excited about random plays to be shown, Miss. Short Fuse was so genius enough to ask me if these plays was to be shown in the very theatre we were standing in. I answered her that not many theatres advertise for other theatres.

On the way home, we were randomly discussing, rather audibley, what the best method of dying would be. Miss. Short fuse was also random enough to remark that with all my anti-salt-ness, how ironic it would be if I died of salt poisoning, I henceforth, clarified with her if me dying by the hands of salt poisoning was her particular wish in order to fulfill her point. 'Yes' she answered.

We've never been more loving sisters.

We eventually got home, in one piece, and had immediately sobered by the stern walls of our house.

I would like to personally apologise for any annoyance we may have excited.

Wednesday 7 October 2009

A happy new start :D

So uni has started, there's not much to talk about, it's all pretty much the same as the first week of my undergrad but this time I'm actually happy, prepared and motivated. The difference in confidence levels are also vastly different, and I feel a bit more solidly about where I stand, for the first time in my life I think I see a benefit from studying at Imperial.
I've made a few friends and now I'm happily chatting around my way around the group, I am, for some reason, hoping to make more male friends as I think I failed in that aspect of my undergrad life (I have some male friends, but most guys hate my guts).
It's so weird saying I'm a postgraduate student.
I forgot my brand new umbrella in one of of the hospital locker rooms and found it just an hour ago so I'm extra happy, despite the miserable rain.
The workload is no doubt intensive, but for some reason that only excites me, I have not felt like that in a loong time, I only ever focused on negative scenarios and fell out of optimism in every light of life. BUT NOW! I'm rearing to go and ready to knuckle down from the start. BRING IT!
I also have extra stuff planned out, I.e. keeping a personal journal, this blog, swimming, as well as the manga reviews (obviously).
So.... manga of the month shall be the next post. Get ready to ignore it.

Sunday 4 October 2009

The end of Summer

I'm feeling the stress of four months worth of career planning, job hunting and boredom ease away from my back as we speak. It has truly been the longest, life-draining, hardest time of my life.

There have been good times, I saw my Uncle and Aunt, I watched Harry Potter, I read 'Persuasion' by Jane Austen, I fasted Ramadan, I ate at Eid, I got my nose straightened out, I saw Miss. Eyebrows a lot, I got a Masters place at my old University, I wrote an official Manga Review, I created dinner dishes, I baked cakes, I lost weight, I started swimming and a Blog!

Actually, when I list it out like that it does seem pretty cool :D

But there have been things I wanted to do and didn't achieve, I wanted to get my driving licence and I still haven't gotten my provisional! I wanted to learn Japanese again and didn't, I wanted to draw art for money and couldn't.

But hey! I'm happy, so I have no regrets (except the driving licence thing... damn).

I've been planning to make a list of all the classic lines Miss. Short Fuse has come out with this summer, and now that the time has finally come I shall begin:

1. I swear to God Vikram is gay.
2. I hate Vikram.
3. That guy has the AURA!
4. HORSES HAVE THE AURA!
5. Faima... you have an odd look on your face....
6. Orlando Bloom has no aura.
7. It's all about the aura!
8. I love Goku!
9. It's all about Goku man.
10. I believe I can flyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
11. Don't you notice that the only thing you talk about is manga!

and my favourite dialogue between us all summer:

Dessa: 'Hey Miss. Short fuse, what are you doing on the computer?'
**********10 minutes lapses in silence between us****************
Miss. Short Fuse: 'Did you say something? I think I heard a sound'

And No, she's not weird in anyway... she's just like that, naturally.

Thanks to Miss. Short Fuse for keeping me sane, again, this summer!

Friday 2 October 2009

A new life?

I shall be starting my first day at University on Monday. I'll be resuming my position of student again! Something I had been fighting against ever since I started my Bachelors. Ironically.

Many feelings are whizzing past me when I think about going back, some are anxiety and apprehensions, even foreboding, others are excitement, motivation and even a thrill....

I am most definitely not sad I am going back though.

There were many times during this summer that I really did lose hope and even my will to do something useful in this life. I guess when everything in your entire life you've ever done was simply study, then there really is nothing left when you feel like you failed at it. I guess I took my writing more seriously when I got the offer, so that I feel I had something useful and tangible to cling onto in case the first plan doesn't go so well.

I understand what went wrong during my bachelors, even though I did better with each of the years; I procrastinated too much, manga and chatting and generally giving up from the start. This time, I won't. I can't. there's no room to muck around anymore, but there never was either, I just realised that too late.

I have been deemed as anti-social. so what.

I'm fed up with having to comply with the way things are done by the majority, I want to do things my way, for me, I no longer give a damn about trying make others happy. I'm going to be a selfish b***h this year.

Sorry.

I have also decided that I need to make my friends slowly this time. My quickly attaching nature just doesn't help me out most of the time. But I find it really painful having to stay silent... I feel like I'm being ignored.

Well, I only need to buy some highlighters and a new pencil case, then I should be sorted.