I can't get sleep! Isn't this enough reason to rant? I hope my dear audience will oblige me one more time, in allowing me to rant my heart out.
1. I can't sleep!!! Oh... I've already said that. Well, I'm sure you can't actually understand the full extent of thse suferings with me saying it only twice, soo: I CAN'T FRIGGIN SLEEP! 'Why?' I hear you say, well, mostly because I have the most horrid thoughts plaguing me when my mind is ment to rest from all thought, these thoughts I'll be explaining later on.. but somehow my mind branched out to the vision of Gollum.. naturally no-one would even try to sleep when his ugly face is stuck in your mind.
2. I can't get a job! At the beginning of my job search, I said to myslef 'I can take a few rejections' and I was right, I can only take a few, not a heapful. It's not like I'm dying by these rejections, It's just been a very long time that I've been job searching and I have patience, but there has not been a shred of good news, just continuous darkness. There's only so much rejection I can take before my own esteem turns on me and shrinks the way water slips from cupped hands. As a result, I've become bitter, jealous and sour, refusing to communicate with friends, not wanting to go out or see anyone (I have Miss. Hepburn to drag me out though). I know my friends mean well when they ask me how life's going and what I have planned, but I feel so low about it that I blow off everyone who asks, afraid of what they might think or say...even though it can't possibly be worse than what's going through my own head. It's precicely what runs on my head that plaugues me so when I lie my head down to sleep, I feel so trapped by them, like they force me into a box of restlessness.
3. I'm stuck at home!!! I'm starting to consider being stuck at home for the past 3 and a half months as nothing short of punishment. With no intectual stimulus, my mind is actually rusting and diminishing, I'm worried I won't have two brain cells to rub together by the end (whenever that will be!) It is mainly for this reason I so want a job, just something to challenge me, to feel like a member of society, to make my brain function!
4. I'm so silent! I've taken to not really saying much at home, mostly because I feel lke I have to fight with Miss. Sort fuse's ears to work and listen to me. That's IF shes not already talking to one of her kazillion friends, (usually this is Miss. High Heels, but I like her, so it's all good). The efforts I've had to employ myself wih in order to be made heard by Miss. Short Fuse has resulted in a false reputation of being 'clingy'. Well excuse me! I'd try and vent my speech energy on Miss. Pain in the Ass, but like I've said before, she's incompatible with the human race (though deep deep deep deep deep down she's actually a nice person). So yes, I'm now a mute.
5. It's ramadan so I feel kinda guilty about ranting as I'm supposed to be calm and patient and forebaring :( Which I'm not exactly exemplifying right now... so yes, I'm feeling guilty ontop of everythng else.
6. I am unable to complete my writings. I have started 3 works of literature, and I simply cant finish them, which is a certain cause for annoyance to me. I think there are several reasons for this; the switching from plot to plot will obscure focus and so I am unable to think straight; I keep adding to plans and plots after I start writing, so it requires rewriting alot of the time and finally: I don't get enough time on the computer to write much.
In conclusion, I'm not too good, but I am happy it's ramadan, I hope my friends can understand a little of why I'm considered anti-social at the moment, probably for more than just at the moment (Mss.Tooting remarked this to me recently). But with Allah's help, things will get better ^_^
1. I can't sleep!!! Oh... I've already said that. Well, I'm sure you can't actually understand the full extent of thse suferings with me saying it only twice, soo: I CAN'T FRIGGIN SLEEP! 'Why?' I hear you say, well, mostly because I have the most horrid thoughts plaguing me when my mind is ment to rest from all thought, these thoughts I'll be explaining later on.. but somehow my mind branched out to the vision of Gollum.. naturally no-one would even try to sleep when his ugly face is stuck in your mind.
2. I can't get a job! At the beginning of my job search, I said to myslef 'I can take a few rejections' and I was right, I can only take a few, not a heapful. It's not like I'm dying by these rejections, It's just been a very long time that I've been job searching and I have patience, but there has not been a shred of good news, just continuous darkness. There's only so much rejection I can take before my own esteem turns on me and shrinks the way water slips from cupped hands. As a result, I've become bitter, jealous and sour, refusing to communicate with friends, not wanting to go out or see anyone (I have Miss. Hepburn to drag me out though). I know my friends mean well when they ask me how life's going and what I have planned, but I feel so low about it that I blow off everyone who asks, afraid of what they might think or say...even though it can't possibly be worse than what's going through my own head. It's precicely what runs on my head that plaugues me so when I lie my head down to sleep, I feel so trapped by them, like they force me into a box of restlessness.
3. I'm stuck at home!!! I'm starting to consider being stuck at home for the past 3 and a half months as nothing short of punishment. With no intectual stimulus, my mind is actually rusting and diminishing, I'm worried I won't have two brain cells to rub together by the end (whenever that will be!) It is mainly for this reason I so want a job, just something to challenge me, to feel like a member of society, to make my brain function!
4. I'm so silent! I've taken to not really saying much at home, mostly because I feel lke I have to fight with Miss. Sort fuse's ears to work and listen to me. That's IF shes not already talking to one of her kazillion friends, (usually this is Miss. High Heels, but I like her, so it's all good). The efforts I've had to employ myself wih in order to be made heard by Miss. Short Fuse has resulted in a false reputation of being 'clingy'. Well excuse me! I'd try and vent my speech energy on Miss. Pain in the Ass, but like I've said before, she's incompatible with the human race (though deep deep deep deep deep down she's actually a nice person). So yes, I'm now a mute.
5. It's ramadan so I feel kinda guilty about ranting as I'm supposed to be calm and patient and forebaring :( Which I'm not exactly exemplifying right now... so yes, I'm feeling guilty ontop of everythng else.
6. I am unable to complete my writings. I have started 3 works of literature, and I simply cant finish them, which is a certain cause for annoyance to me. I think there are several reasons for this; the switching from plot to plot will obscure focus and so I am unable to think straight; I keep adding to plans and plots after I start writing, so it requires rewriting alot of the time and finally: I don't get enough time on the computer to write much.
In conclusion, I'm not too good, but I am happy it's ramadan, I hope my friends can understand a little of why I'm considered anti-social at the moment, probably for more than just at the moment (Mss.Tooting remarked this to me recently). But with Allah's help, things will get better ^_^
1. Wow that's interesting because night before last I couldn't sleep either. Had about three hours before sehri, but after sehri I just couldn't get back to sleep. It was deeply frustrating and annoying because I knew I was tired but for some reason I felt like I was high on coffee. And my mind kept wandering to the most random things, some of which I think were dreams, so I must have been asleep at some points?
ReplyDelete2. Have you considered doing voluntary work? It's not ideal, but at least it keeps you occupied and will add value to your CV. Plus if its a charity you'll feel good about it :)
3. I know the stuck at home feeling! Can't wait to get out!
4. Which one's Miss Short Fuse and which one's Miss Pain in the Ass? (I'm assuming they are your sisters? :s)
6. Is one of them the Imperial manga? Maybe concentrate on one at a time, but at least you occupying your mind!
I haven't done any imperial manga for like 2 months! If you give me a deadline I swaer I can work to that! but if I have no deadline.. most likely I'll finish it in a year then....
ReplyDeleteI have considered doing voluntary work.. I'm trying to get my act together and see what I can do though.
I'll let you keep guessing with of my sisters is which.